He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
