Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
