She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
