It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
