Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
