i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
