I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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