we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize