I'm drive I can fine osifer
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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