While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
