I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize