she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
