Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
