those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
