Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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