i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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