I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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