I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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