i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
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