I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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