It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
