My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
