but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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