I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
