I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
