so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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