just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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