There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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