Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
