I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
