I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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