I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
