I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
