Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
