I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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