He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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