I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
