I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
