his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
