I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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