i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize