You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
