Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize