And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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