The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
