Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
