i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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