no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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