It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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