i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
