He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
