Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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