The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
