i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
