Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize