whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
