i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
