the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
