Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
