I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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