You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize