JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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