So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
