ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
