Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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