fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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