Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
