my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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