Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
