My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
