first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize