Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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