can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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