4 words: hood of his car
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
