i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
