Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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