dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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