So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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