i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize