Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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