Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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