Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
