Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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