We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
