Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
