Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
