Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
