Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
