Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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