the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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