so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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