Porn is love you can see.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
