So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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