TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
