Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
