You're my little dorito
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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