Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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