Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
