I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
