Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
